Broken Hallelujah

I heard this song for the first time today while listening to K-Love radio in the Starbucks drive-thru. 

Let me back up.

The past 3 weeks have been an absolute struggle for me. I have felt lower than I have in months. It's like I've been crashing from a high- the school year. I loved being at Mercer. Each day flew by because I was so busy doing things. Well, now it's summer...and it has not gone at all the way I planned. I'm away from my friends, and I don't have a set schedule. Thankfully I have an internship that takes up 2 days a week, but it's still been a struggle, especially since I need to find a paid job. THAT has been so stressful and discouraging. I may have one, but I still don't know for sure yet. The past week I have felt so discouraged, stressed out, and depressed. I felt so distant from God. I prayed, I did my quiet time, and yet He still felt so far away. I cried many times. I took my frustration out on others. I tossed and turned at night. I'm not saying all this to play a pity card. I'm being real and honest. I've been trying to fill my mind with positive things the past week, especially with music. This morning, I got in my car and almost didn't turn on my radio because I was just so discouraged. 

My break through came at the Starbucks drive-thru.

I am so glad I turned on the radio. This song fit me so perfectly. I instantly identified with the first lines.

I can barely stand right now,
Everything is crashing down,
And I wonder where You are.
I try to find the words to pray,
I don't always know what to say,
But You're the One who can hear my heart.

Wow! I love music so much. There's always a song that describes how I feel. I'm not gonna write the rest of the lyrics because I want you to listen to the song yourself. 

I didn't blog to get pity. I didn't share for sympathy. I'm sharing to show God's wonders. He works even when you think He's far away. Yeah, my summer is not what I thought it'd be. But it's also not over. It's definitely a hard adjustment going from steady schedule and income to almost nothing. But God's not done. Today I began to make more friends at my church. A light is beginning to shine through the clouds. 

Storms are going to happen in life. It's the only way we grow. It's so painful to be molded by God. It's not fun, but the results are worth it. God strips me of everything when He wants me to focus back on Him and continue to mold me, and that's exactly what He's been doing. If you're in a storm right now, don't give up. God may feel far away, but if you look for Him, you will find Him. 

Here's my broken hallelujah!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo3DudOzV4k&feature=kp