Last night when I got home from the basketball game, I kept thinking of the verse that says, "I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." After finally finding it (I'm really bad with references) in Philippians 3, I started reading the verses around it, including verse 5, "circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee." Now I know you're probably like I was at first, "Oh that's cool, how about we go on," and just kinda ignore it. However, something struck me about it, "of the tribe of Benjamin."
I don't know how much Old Testament history you know, but the tribe of Benjamin was the weakest tribe. King Saul actually came from that tribe, although that had nothing to do with his downfall (he brought it on himself). In Judges 19, there is the story of a Levite and his concubine. They were staying at Gibeah for the night with a man who had kindly offered his home when the men of the city (the ESV describes them as "worthless fellows") came and wanted to rape the Levite (sounds like Sodom and Gomorrah, huh?), but instead the Levite sent out his concubine. She was gang-raped, and when the morning came, she fell dead at the doorstep of the house. The Levite took her, chopped her up into pieces, sent a piece to each tribe of Israel, and rallied Israel to war against Benjamin. This left the tribe very weak. I'm not actually sure how much stronger they got as the years passed, but I know that for a long time they were the weakest tribe.
You can see why that phrase from Paul stuck out to me. He was from the tribe of Benjamin. Not Judah, the strongest tribe where King David and Jesus were from, but the weakest! And Paul had to be one of the greatest apostles of all time. He followed so hard after God through every storm and trial. Never once did he give up. He didn't let his past define him. Which actually fits with my devotion this morning. It was about exactly that, beginning again.
"For most of us there is not a shortage of dreams for the future; there is a fear that we might not be able to shake our past." How true is that in my life! How many times have I fallen back into the same habits and attitudes, messed up terribly, or just plain-old been a bad example of Christ? And yet I claim to want to go into ministry one day? It's tough telling people that I want to go into ministry one day because it means already I'm being held to a higher standard. I have to be super careful about what people see me do and what I say on social media. People might not mean to, but I know they judge me. When you take a stand for God, you will stand out in the world. Looking at my past sometimes, I just can't see how to live like it doesn't exist. But that's okay because God's mercy is stronger than any wrong I've ever done. It's stronger than any wrong YOU have ever done. "Yet, though your past is real, this is the Word of God speaking to you today: You can begin again. What's done is done, but today is a new day, and with each new day arrives God's mercy blanketing us with hope for a new start."
I titled this blog "When I Am Weak, He Makes Me Strong" because He really does. He knows my every thought and need, he knows every dream I've ever had, he holds each tear that falls from my eyes. I am a new creation in God. It is no longer by my strength that I live but by His. I can't carry my own weight. I have to cast my burdens on Him. His yoke is easy. If Paul from the tribe of Benjamin (also a previous Pharisee who murdered followers of Christ) can be such a strong follower of Christ, then I can too!
"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14
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